2 More, is 2 Many

The anticipation to end chemotherapy has me in a whirlwind.  A constant loopty-loop of emotion.  I've never been more anxious to get something overwith.  I had been in lying awake in bed one morning since 730am convincing myself to refuse any further chemotherapy.  The multitude of negative effects it has on me both physically and emotionally, became so overwhelming... I refused to put my body through it any longer.

"Just 2 more Katie" is what everyone told me while deciding whether or not to move forward with the decision.  2 more, is too many.  Maybe its just the fact that it took especially long this time around for me to feel like myself again.  Over a week!  I didnt have the energy to do anything but lie on the couch and windle in self pity.  Which i'm sure you all can guess, is causing me to be an emotional train wreck.  I called my Onc to hear about what would happen if I were to stop the Chemo and jump into Radiation.  Why is it that someone with Stage IV Hodgkins gets the EXACT SAME treatment plan as someone with Stage II?  6 Rounds Chemotherapy, 17 Rounds Radiation.  This fact bothers me.  Makes me feel like i'm being put through 4 unecessary poison cocktails.  She didnt call me back until 8am the next morning.  By that time, I had been convinced that i'm strong enough to deal.

I'll still be asking her about it when I go in for treatment 11 of 12 this Tuesday.  Who knows, maybe i'll get lucky and I wont have to do the last one.  Unlikely... considering it will just be one more.  2.5 weeks until my last chemo.   I have to keep reminding myself that it will be worth finishing it all.  Make sure I never have to do it again.  Be in that 90 percentile of patients that were CURED. (not just in remission, CURED)

Nothing better than buy 2 get one free shopping at the new boardshop by southglenn.  New stuff and a giant glass of Dead Guy on tap made me feel much better.   Thanks Dad!

Unfortunate, but cool coinsidence.

I recently found out about Michael C Hall being diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma.
If you havent seen it, you need to check out DEXTER.  Its a showtime series about a serial killer played by Michael C Hall.  Kickass show.  Cody and I swear by it.  It turns out he has been battling the hodge for a while now and has been keeping it a secret from the press.  (as anybody would)

Anyways, another unfortunate but cool coinsidence.

On that note, here is a list of celebs who've battled Lymphoma - or - NHL.

Paul Azinger - Professional Golfer
John Cullen - Professional Hockey Player
Andres Galarraga - Plays Baseball for the Atlanta Braves
Dick Gregory - Civil Rights activist and Comedian
David A Huffman - The founding faculty member of the computer science dept. at the University of    California - Santa Cruz
LeShon Johnson - Former NY Giants player
King Hussein of Jordan
Gene Wilder - Comedian
Mr T (Laurence Tureaud) - TV Actor
Joey Ramone - Musician (Punk Rocker)
Jackie Kennedy Onassis - Former First Lady
Roger Maris - Baseball Great
Mickey Mantle Jr.

No, I will not glow in the dark

Seems almost unreal that the hard part is about over.  Feeling sick for a week, than feeling like myself for a week.   Off and on.  For 6 months can get strangely familiar and routine.  Luckily, I have been able to request my favorite nurse for the big day, and on that last day they sing "hit the road jack, and dont you come back" -- I sure as hell will be thrilled to never see that room again.  (all the old people stare at me, and I associate that room with my disease) (now that I no longer have the disease....)

Anyways, just had the lovely poison cocktail yesterday. Seemed like it took forever this time around.  About 4 hours to be specific. (probably because I didnt have my favorite nurse, the other ones call me Katherine. eh.)  Didnt feel toooo bad when I got home, took a good nap woke up to eat, than went back to bed.  I have to keep my distance from Cody to avoid picking up the virus hes gotten.  Hopefully he fights it off soon... gets lonely, not being able to hug him.  Paranoia sets in quickly after I even sit next to him on the couch.  I've been lysol-ing EVERYTHING.  Luckily my immune systems starts to come back by Friday.  So I'll hope for Friday at the latest.

Next it radiation.  I got the go ahead from Dr. Rad to start 4 weeks after my last chemo.
Specifically he will radiate acrost my shoulders for 17 days, and down my sernum for about 11 days.  Very low dose - no I will not be radioactive or glow in the dark.

I most look forward to my poor whithering eyebrows filling in... and my god awful boy short hair coming back to girls length. and VACATION.  This all starts coming to me in about 1.5 months.

Thank you all for your continued support! We'll have a small get together to celebrate my being done with chemo mid-late FEB.  So keep your weekends flexible!

The Guitar

One of my favorite parts of this cancer journey.  The guitar.
Not only have Bobby and I grown so close over the past 5 months, but he continues to amaze me with his random acts of kindness.

When I was first diagnosed, he decided to pull one of his favorite guitars (12string) out and use it to help Cody and I pay for all the medical bills and setbacks we've been going through.  A great story so far:

The guitar was sent to LA to see Rise Against, and get their autographs...  A great friend of Bobby's lives in the area and was more than happy to help get the guitar to where it needed to go.  Thanks Sarah!  Dad and Bobby decided to drive out there to pick it up and avoid the costly (and risky) trip by air.  They also got a chance to visit cousin Vanessa and her adorable family.. Uncle Bob and Aunt Rita, and ALL this family that we havent seen in almost a decade!  So that must have been cool.

After the guitar got home safely... Bobby and I started to brainstorm.  Who else can we get to sign the guitar?  We just couldnt stop at Rise Against.  I suggested, The Flobots!  One of my new favorite bands that made it big from a local gig "hometown for the holidays" here in CO!  Turns out Bobby has a friend at work that knows them!  Next thing I know, i'm shaking hands and watching them all sign the guitar.  I was starstruck, they are all so cool and laid back. 

Next thing I know, Bobby has tickets to see Devotchka, another local band here in CO.  They were actually on the Little Miss Sunshine soundtrack.  Its like... flamenco, mariachi, gypsy and eastern european folk mash up.  Super fun and unique! Unfortunately I couldnt be there... had treatment the day before the show.  Bobby did get their signatures and even brough me a vinyl copy of their album (A Mad & Faithful Feeling) signed as well!

Think I might frame it.

So far, this cancer journey has been un-describable.  More good days than bad days.  Has brought me closer to my Dad, and my Brother.  My family as a whole have done an outstanding job making this all soo much easier.  With Cody picking up the slack financially, Bobby has gratiously stepped in to keep me company on those rough days. 

Bobby, I owe you so much.  Words cant explain how thankful I am.

Got some pics of the guitar (sans Devotchka).  Still need a couple more Flobots, but at any rate... ENJOI!